Scars...

I just got finished looking in the mirror at the makings of my newest scar. It's about four inches long and it sits right on my collarbone, just above the hollow of my throat. The incision still has the stitches and the bandage on it, that is how new it is. Why it's there doesn't really matter much. What it represents is what is important now.

We all have scars on our bodies. It's just a common fact of life, certain rites of passage. You could probably say our belly button is the first scar we receive- 'right out of the gate', so to speak. It is our indelible link to our mothers. Our 'branding', which leads us into living. I'm sure that most of us have some knee scars, scraped up knees when we were kids; learning. Learning how to catch a football, learning how to ride a bike. We probably also have scars in other places; a cut on the hand from the lid of a pet food can, the scar on your forehead where the corner of a swing hit you. Those weren't particularly fun scars to get, but we all got them and learned things like responsibility and coordination from them.

Then there are other scars, like the ones I have. I have one on the back of my left knee, it is a long distant reminder of a careless adult who was taking a nap and let a toddler get into some drain cleaner that was stored under the kitchen sink. Back when I was a baby adults didn't think of putting harmful chemicals on a high shelf in the kitchen cupboard. They didn't think about 'kidproofing' the home. Since then we have learned to be more careful.

I also have a huge scar on my stomach. It really is disfiguring, at least it is to me. It is from giving birth to my children. I didn't think much about such a thing as my own disfigurement when I was pregnant with my first child. All I could think about was having a healthy and completely whole baby. I never thought that I'd become maimed by something so natural as having a baby, but in the wee hours of the morning he was born I was. As if having this other person in my life 24/7/eternity wasn't reminder enough I carry this scar on my body. It is a corollary of our life together- having my son changed me permanently and becoming a mother is something that will never go away. I will always be a mother, that will never cease. I may be able to change my appearance some, but I'm always going to look like a mother, every time I look in the mirror that is what I will see. My plan is to have some plastic surgery on my tummy one day, it will minimize the scar, but I have the feeling the scar won't be erased completely. Which is probably alright, considering how it came to be.

Then I have my newest scar, the one mentioned above. I probably could have gone on with my life without having the surgery which leads to the new scar, but I'm not sure how great life would have been for me otherwise. Getting this scar is helping me to have better health and a better outlook on life. Even though I'm still recuperating I'm feeling excited about life. I am beginning to feel some 'zest' for living (corny word, but apt). I can see some possibilities coming along for me. Which is a great thing at this juncture in my road of life. I'm hoping that this scar heals much better than the one on my tummy. It is going to be on public display, and I don't really want a huge, ugly, shiny thing that people look at before they look at ME. That scar is NOT me, it's only a small part of what makes up my life, and certainly isn't one of the most interesting aspects of me. But, if anyone does want to know how the scar on my neck came to be I'm going to tell them I got it in a knife fight. That is way more interesting than the truth.

Everyone thinks of scars as a horrifying thing, and sometimes they are. But lots of times they are not. They can be inconvenient, sometimes painful, and ugly, too. But ultimately they are our physical proof of our very own 'life lessons'; reminders of what it takes to live life well with purpose and meaning. Everything we go through in life leaves a scar of one kind or another; how we let them heal on our bodies or in our souls is the most important lesson to be learned from these scars. They are, after all, what make us human.